HOW FUCKING CUTE IS THIS BABY FOX? AND THAT SOUND! I'VE HEARD RUMORS IT'S THE SAME NOISES A CERTAIN RESIDENT OF MOUNT GAY MAKES DIRECTLY FOLLOWING HER VINEGAR STROKES!
OF COURSE THAT BABY FOX IS NOWHERE NEAR AS CUTE AND AMAZING AS OUR VERY OWN CHLOE! I BET THAT OTHER FOX DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO HIGH FIVE, DO TURBO ROLLS, ASSASSINATE DICTATORS OR ENTERTAIN THE MASSES WITH A TURKEY SHOW!
WHAT'S UP, SPORT? IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN WHEN PEOPLE EITHER SPEND TIME WITH THEIR FRIENDS AND FAMILY OR GET DRUNK AND CONTEMPLATE SUICIDE. WHICHEVER ROUTE YOU TAKE, I FULLY SUPPORT YOUR DECISION! BUT FOR NOW LET'S JAM OUT TO SOME CHRISTMAS TUNES AND SMOKE A LITTLE HASH.
HOW ABOUT WE GET THE DAMN OLDIES OUT OF THE WAY FIRST, EH? (I INCLUDED THAT 'EH' FOR ALL THE CANADIANS OUT THERE. WE FUCKING LOVE YOU TOO YOU POUTINE EATING BASTARDS!)
IF YOU DON'T LIKE FRANK SINATRA THEN FUCK YOU!
CAN'T GO WRONG WITH SOME BING CROSBY AND DAVID BOWIE WEARING ABOUT 18 POUNDS OF MAKEUP EACH:
ELTON JOHN ONLY LOOKS ABOUT 75% GAY HERE...
NOT SURE WHO'S SINGING BUT THOSE KIDS CREEP ME THE HELL OUT!
NOW THAT THE OLDIES ARE OUT OF THE WAY LET'S FIRE UP SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! THESE MIGHT BE CLASSIFIED AS 'IGNORANT RAP SHIT' BY SOME PEOPLE BUT SO FUCKING WHAT!
THANK YOU RUN-DMC FOR GIVING US THE BEST CHRISTMAS SONG EVER!
I ONCE MET EAZY-E AT A 7-ELEVEN WHERE HE KICKED ME IN THE FACE REPEATEDLY AND STOLE MY WALLET TO BUY A 40 OF OLD ENGLISH. I DON'T THINK HE GAVE ME AIDS THOUGH.
I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS POST FOR ABOUT 8 MINUTES NOW AND I'M ABOUT TO DIE OF BOREDOM. IT'S TIME TO WRAP THIS SHIT UP! HERE'S AN AMAZING CHRISTMAS SPECIAL FROM THE FUCKING TRAILER PARK BOYS TITLED "DEAR SANTA CLAUS, GO FUCK YOURSELF". CLEAR YOUR SCHEDULE BECAUSE IT'S LIKE 45 MINUTES LONG, OMG!
HAVE A MERRY MOTHERFUCKING CHRISTMAS ALL YOU LOYAL READERS AND EVEN YOU CHEAP ASS FUCKING GUESTS! NOW GO BE DECENT HUMAN BEINGS FOR THE NEXT 2 DAYS!
P.S. IF ANYONE COMMENTS 'TL;DR' I WILL :LIZZY AND THEN :JUSTBANNED YOUR ASS, I SWEAR TO FUCKING CHRIST!
HERE ARE SOME "PRO" TIPS FOR THE GUESTS WHO VISIT MOUNT GAY POSING TO BE CONFUSED MODELS IN NEED OF ADVICE ON HOW TO MARKET THEMSELVES AND BECOME A BETTER CAM MODEL.
1. PROMOTE FUNNY BEHAVIOR
2. DRINK HEAVILY (BEER BONGS ARE YOUR FRIEND)
3. EVERYTHING IS A CAT
4. THERE IS NO NEED TO STICK THINGS OUT OF YOUR ASS
5. STOP BITCHING ABOUT BEING CALLED "BB"
IF YOU'RE A CAM MODEL WHO DOESN'T LIKE CAPS LOCK TYPING, IT IS LIKELY AN INDICATION THAT YOU ARE OVERLY CONTROLLING AND WOULD HIGHLY BENEFIT FROM XANAX, PAXIL, ETC. (GOOGLE THIS: "CAPS LOCK" "YELLING" "MYFREECAMS" TO FIND THE MODELS THIS APPLIES TO // WORKS TO FIND ANTI-BB MODELS ALSO)
6. LET THE GUESTS AND BASICS PARTICIPATE (IN A CONTROLLED ENVIRONMENT OF COURSE). ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE A LIBERAL. IF YOU DON'T, YOU ARE A HUGE HYPOCRITE AND EVERYONE WILL BE ABLE TO SEE RIGHT THROUGH IT.
7. PUT YOUR FACADE AWAY AND HAVE SOME PERSPECTIVE
8. DON'T BE AFRAID TO ABRUPTLY LEAVE THE ROOM OR SIGN OFF THE WEBSITE
LATELY I'VE HAD NR1 STATUS APPROXIMATELY 75% OF THE TIME SO I KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. LIKE STOCK TIPS THESE ARE ***IDEAS*** NOT RECOMMENDATIONS AND WILL MOST LIKELY NOT BE NEEDED BY MODELS WHO TYPICALLY FINISH IN TOP 100 (SALARY OF OVER $10K/MONTH) AND TOP 20 ($25K+/MONTH).
DISCLAIMER 1: OF COURSE WE LOVE ALL THE FOLLOWERS. SHERLOCKE LOVES EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE
DISCLAIMER 2: IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE ''R WORD'', MY BAD. AS MENTIONED BEFORE, SHERLOCKE LOVES THE MENTALLY ILL AS WELL AS THE MENTALLY SANE, AND ''RETARD'' IS A FUNNY WORD.
EVER JUMPED ON THE HITACHI BANDWAGON AND THEN DECIDED IT WASN'T WORTH THE FREE SMORES AND LEMONADE. THIS THING WAS INVENTED BY SATAN HIMSELF TO DESTROY RELATIONSHIPS AND CONVERT WOMEN INTO MAN HATING FEMINISTS. NOTHING SHOULD EVER VIBRATE THAT INTENSELY IN ONE'S BIRTH CANAL. LET'S JUST SAY IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO PEE BEFORE YOU STARTED, YOU WILL AFTER THIS THING SENDS 2500000000000000 WATTS REVERBERATING THROUGH YOUR BLADDER. IN FACT YOU MIGHT JUST END UP PEEING ON YOURSELF WHILE USING IT, ALSO KNOWN AS "SQUIRTING"
