FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS #1

DOES SEXNCHESS HAVE A NAME? WHAT DO WE CALL HER?

• SEXNCHESS IS KNOWN BY MANY NAMES BUT SEEMS TO RESPOND TO TIFFANY, OR MORE COMMONLY CAROLINE.

SO MANY CLOTHES! DOES SHE EVER GET NAKED?

• IF EVERYONE PAYS THEIR TAXES AND BEHAVES WELL, SHE WILL STILL DO WHATEVER THE FUCK SHE WANTS BUT PAYING TAXES NEVER HURT SO JUST FUCKING DO IT! ON A SIDENOTE, COLORADO IS FUCKING COLD! YOU DON'T WANT HER TO GET SICK, DO YOU!?

IT'S SO COLD HERE FRIENDS!

PRIVATES? ANY CHANCE I CAN GET ONE?

• PRIVATES ARE 24 HOUR MINIMUM SO UNLESS YOU SAVE YOUR SHITTY SALARY FOR THE NEXT FIVE YEARS, YOU'RE BETTER OFF KNOCKING OFF THE CLOSEST LIQUOR STORE AND DRUNKENLY PLAY WITH YOUR OWN PRIVATES!

JUST MAKE SURE YOU LEAVE THE STORE BEFORE PLAYING WITH YOURSELF OR SHIT WILL GO DOWN!

WHERE DOES SHE COME FROM? DO I SEE SOME INDIAN BLOOD UP IN THERE!?

• SEXNCHESS IS VERY SECRETIVE ABOUT HER ORIGINS BUT THROUGH MANNERS OF DEDUCTION, INVESTIGATION, AND IMAGINATION, IT IS BELIVED SHE IS OF POLISH/ROMANIAN DESCENT.

FOR YOU AMERICANS, THIS IS A MAP OF EUROPE, LOOK IT UP!

CAPS CAPS, WTF IS UP WITH ALL THE CAPS?

• HAVING GROWN UP IN THE AGE OF AOL CHATROOMS WHERE ONE HAD TO STAND OUT TO MAKE ONES OPINION NOTED, SEXNCHESS HAS SINCE BECOME IMMUNE TO LOWERCASE TYPYING AND WON'T EVEN KNOW YOU'RE THERE UNLESS YOU STAND OUT IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER!
  (AND DON'T USE FUCKING GAY COLORS EITHER! I'M LOOKING AT YOU HS!)

SO THIS TYCO GUY, HOW COME ALL THE GUESTS SEEM TO WORSHIP HIM?

• WHILE THIS REMAINS A BIG MYSTERY TO THE TAXPAYERS ON THE MOUNTAIN, THERE ARE THEORIES ABOUT TYCO HAVING 29 DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES, 27 OF WHICH ARE GUESTS. IT HAS BEEN SAID THAT TYCO ONCE FILLED ALL THE ROOMS OF BUNDYDAWGS  LAKEHOUSE ALL ON HIS OWN.

THIS IS TYCO, BETTER SHOW SOME RESTECP! 

I KEEP HEARING ABOUT THIS POOR HANNAH GIRL. HOW CAN I HELP HER?

• HANNAH IS THE LOVECHILD OF SHERLOCKE AND A SOMALI PIRATE WOMAN, KNOWN SIMPLY AS "BLACK PEARL", WHICH HE MET WHILST ON AN EXCURSION TO INVESTIGATE THE STATE OF THE AFRICAN TRAILER PARKS. (THEY FUCKING SUCK, EVEN BY CANADIAN STANDARDS)
  IF YOU WANT TO HELP HANNAH, YOU CAN FOLLOW HER ON TWITTER @SAD_HANNAH, OR EVEN BETTER, YOU CAN ADOPT HER AND GIVE HER A BETTER LIFE BY MAILING TO SADHANNAHSAD@GMAIL.COM

GOT MORE QUESTIONS? ASK THEM IN THE COMMENTS AND YE SHALL RECIVE AN ANSWER! (BUT PROBABLY NOT THE ONE YOU WERE LOOKING FOR!)